FealzWonderful.com: Approach

How Language Can Be Violent

Many of the issues that people struggle with are rooted in the way they communicate with themselves and others. We usually think of violence as related to the physical- but language can also be very violent- especially when directed at ourselves. Have you ever caught yourself saying something like, " What is wrong with me??? How could I be so.........?" (stupid, lazy, incompetent, etc). And do you find yourself speaking to the people in your life with criticisms or judgments such as, " You are wrong!! Don't you know anything? Why don't you think before you.......? This is the right way. I would never do it like that."

“Violent” Language Causes Us to Disconnect

What usually happens when you hear or say these types of comments? I imagine that any possibility of connecting with yourself or another person is lost. After all, who responds well to another person when receiving judgments or criticims?

This "violent" form of communication, which we address to ourselves and to others when they make a perceived mistake, is learned through socialization - initially by people we look up to or people with authority such as parents, educators, and religious leaders, who may evaluate our behavior based on some set of standards or value. These individuals are well-meaning; their motivation is to instill growth and well-being. However, the method backfires because over time, these patterns ignite defensiveness or reactivity. It then becomes a cycle of negative reactions which leave people feeling d*epressed, sad, frustrated, angry, or hopeless.

These inteactional disconnects affect every relational aspect of our lives with family, friends, coworkers, employers, employees, even casual acquaintances and strangers- and are responsible for much of the unhappiness, stress, violence and physical abuse directed at ourselves or others.

Compassionate Communication

After many years of struggling with lost relationships and conflict in my life, I found peace in my interactions. I have learned how to care for myself with loving kindness, and to extend this to others by developing empathy and compassion. This consciousness came upon me through a process, but much of it is based on "Non Violent or Compassionate Communication," an approach created by clinical psychologist, Marshall Rosenberg. The foundation of the process is the recognition that human feelings are guided by whether needs, which are universal, are met or not. The idea is, if we want to make or keep a connection with another person, then we need to get in touch with our own and the other person's needs. We do this through developing a needs and feeling literacy, and utilize a four step process that helps refine our words (observation, feelings, needs, request). This eliminates violent language such as criticism, blaming, labeling, and “should” language, and alleviates the potential for defensiveness and argument.

Why Should You Choose FealzWonderful?

In my practice, I combine the best of life coaching, counseling, and heart-centered mentoring to guide others to experience a life of greater joy and peace. My approach is to actively listen without judgment, to hear the underlying needs which may not be obvious to the individuals who are in emotional pain, and to respond with empathy and compassion. In addition, I provide specific skills and tools that can be utilized in any interaction- empowering individuals to honestly speak what is on their minds without fear of disconnecting with the other person.

So, if you would like some understanding and to be heard without interruption, criticism, judgment, or advice telling you what to do, and to learn the skills of compassionate communication, check out the contact page and sign up for your FREE 15 minute get-acquainted conversation.


FealzWonderful provides both telephone and face-to-face life coaching and counseling
627 Broadway, Massapequa, NY 11758


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